why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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