I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
