The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
