Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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