If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
