why didn't you poke me back
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
