No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
