Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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