you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
