Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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