when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize