Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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