There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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