I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize