flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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