$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
