to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
