i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
