hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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