You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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