After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
