I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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