did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
