Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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