The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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