i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
