Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
