Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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