I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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