this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
accomplished twins. life is a go
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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