yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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