Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
