yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize