I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize