i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
