I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did I show you my penis last night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
