I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
