Can i not drive my cunt home
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
