I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
