why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
