my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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