i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
