just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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