It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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