Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
