It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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