Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
