I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
