eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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