how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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