didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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