Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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