is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
