I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
