I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
