Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
