dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
