You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
