Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
