You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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