I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
