My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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