I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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