hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
