dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
