what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
